


How to Attain Peace

by lilac_firecracker



Category: Naruto
Genre: Afterlife, Attempt at Humor, Gen, Parody, Peace, Shinigami
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-05
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23031463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilac_firecracker/pseuds/lilac_firecracker
Summary: The four Hokages discuss ways of attaining peace in the afterlife – who knew some people in the real world were crazy enough to actually try it?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 27





	How to Attain Peace

_The four Hokages discuss ways of attaining peace in the afterlife – who knew some people in the real world were crazy enough to actually try it?_

* * *

The Yondaime Hokage was a legend. Anyone who was born in Konoha, or even Fire Country knew of that fact – even his enemies admitted to it. A genius that rose swiftly through the ranks and secured his place as the only SS Rank Shinobi after Senju Hashirama and Uchiha Madara in the Bingo Books.

The Sandaime, while not as impressive as his successor, was Hokage the longest – known as the God of Shinobi. Proficient in more than 100 different jutsus from each element, he, too, was in a league of his own.

The Nidaime was the cut-throat Hokage, the one that brought order, instilled the might of Konoha into her enemies, introduced new laws and systems (and may have created a few… knicker-knacker jutsus that would have been better left un-created – oh, let's not forget what he did to the Uchihas…).

The Shodaime Hokage was the foundation, the father, the beginner and the one that began it all. With a unique bloodline that no one could _truly_ emulate (not even after sacrificing 50 babies and who knows how many people).

And, they were bored.

After all, they were dead.

And there's only so many things you can do when you're dead. Being stuck in limbo-like space with your predecessors and successors can be daunting and annoying – especially if that limbo-like space happened to contain their enemies too.

At first, it was a blast. There was no paperwork to be done, no issues to be addressed, no food to be eaten – just fun, fights, spars and more spars.

Then the fire began to burn out. Times were wasted by idly watching the white wall, playing poker and swearing when you lose for the tenth time in a row, and occasionally, observing the real world to see what was happening (contrary to belief, watching Naruto scarf down bowl after bowl of ramen, Sasuke train for hours and hours, and Tsunade sign paper after paper wasn't very fun, nor productive).

Sometimes they would find themselves thinking back to the past – when they were alive – and reminiscing about the spars, battles, wars, pranks, and even the paperwork!

Other times, two or three would get into a heated debate about something while the others grab a bowl of buttered popcorn from somewhere and watch the show. The last debate had been about why bogies were green – not an interesting topic, but the swearing session made up for it.

It seems today would be such a day…

"So peaceful…" Hashirama sighed. "Never thought peace would be this… boring…"

Tobirama snorted from his half-lying, half sitting down position. "To think we had wasted our entire life trying to achieve peace. What a waste!"

"Well," Minato casually slipped into the conversation. He was no longer as revering and fan-boying over Shodaime and Nidaime as he had been (not after he realised how… bloated their reputation had been compared to the real people). "The circumstances then were different. There were deaths, war and pain for example."

"Exactly. Back then, peace was something found only in dreams – untouchable and out of reach." The Sandaime Hokage was glad he had his smoking pipe still, puffing into it gave him relief form this utter boredom and transport into a land full of busty blondes and brunettes – even if it disgusts some of the white-limbo residents.

"Yeah… I guess. Nothing we did worked though. I even gave the villages their own Bijuus to balance out the powers." Hashirama muttered dejectedly.

Tobirama huffed. "I told you that wouldn't work. But did you listen to me? No! 'I'm the big brother, I'll do what I want to!'" He increased the pitch of voice to imitate what others could guess to be the Shodaime Hokage."

Sandaime sweat-dropped. "I don't think you should be saying anything, Tobirama-Sensei. If you hadn't pushed the Uchiha to the outskirts of the village, they would not have planned a coup d'état."

"They were a cursed clan! They needed to be confined. Did you not see what that Madara did?"

"Perhaps if you hadn't killed his little brother, h wouldn't have done what he did." Hashirama was quick to defend his (former) best friend.

"There's no point in arguing now. What's happened has already happened." The Yondaime Hokage mildly tried to placate the enraged trio of legendary Hokages.

It didn't seem to have worked, as the three turned towards him with a predatory expression. "So what would you think is the way to attain peace?"

"Eh?" The Yondaime paused to think. "Well, people have different views which rarely align together… I don't know, put them in as eternal Genjutsu where they all share the same view and happiness I suppose. That would be peaceful, right?"

The other Hokages also paused at that.

Tobirama grinned a little too manically. "Or create a weapon of mass-destruction and use people's fear to get them to stop fighting."

"Fighting fire with fire, huh?"

"Destroy the human race. It's obvious they're the reason for all the conflict and war."

"…"

"Uh… we're human too…"

Snort. "Well, there'd no point in achieving peace then, is there?"

"Hmm… Let the world focus their hatred on one thing, and destroy that thing. Simple."

"Then why didn't you do it?"

"Ah, well… it might have something to do with the fact I died quite young."

"Che. Useless brats."

Silence reigned for a while and the four legendary Hokages sighed simultaneously.

"There really is no definite way to attain peace, in there?"

"Doesn't seem like it…"

"…yeah…"

"Why are we talking about it? We're dead anyway."

"Ah right."

* * *

Konoha was destroyed. By a single man. With a single Jutsu.

The Hokages have never felt so ashamed until now.

Except the Yondaime Hokage, who watched with pride as his son tried to talk reason into Pain's head.

"…I will create a weapon. A weapon containing the power of all nine Bijuus. The people will fear it and cease to war each other…" Pain explained his plan with a flourish.

All Hokages immediately turned to Nidaime, who looked slightly shocked but amused.

Noticing the looks sent towards him, he sniffed. "I wasn't serious…"

Cue some doubtful looks.

"Really!"

Cue more disbelieving looks.

"Okay, maybe a little…"

* * *

The first ever Gokage Summit was sure to get the four Hokages' attention. And it did.

"Tsuki no me. I will entrap everyone into an eternal Genjutsu where they will experience nothing but joy, happiness and good…"

"…"

"Yondaime, is he your student?"

"What? Um, no… I have no idea where he took my idea from. Maybe I should have copyrighted it?"

* * *

…and the mask fell, revealing the features of Uchiha Obito.

"…I thought you said he wasn't your student?"

"I didn't know… well that explains why he has taken my idea. Bastard killed me and my wife, made my son an orphan, and then took credit for my idea to attaining peace as well?! The hell!"

* * *

The light of the intense battle taking place in front of them danced in their focused eyes.

"You know, if Kaguya-hime becomes the icon of hatred, peace will truly reign for real…"

"Hmm…"

"If anyone has half a brain to think of it, that is."

"Well, if they were crazy enough to try out the other plans for real – I'm sure someone will think of it…"

* * *

The Shinigami silently listened to the four Hokages and nodded – before relaying the 'message of peace' to Ashura. The past two times were utter flops – he hoped it would work this time. He was quite frankly tired of the soul escaping and returning to him like it was their dad's house.


End file.
